Why Does the End of a Situationship Hurt More Than an Average Break Up?
If I have any advice for someone hurting over a person they weren’t dating it would be to remember who they were and not who you made them out to be.
The first time a guy I didn’t date broke my heart almost relationships weren’t commonly talked about. The term situationship didn’t even exist. I felt so confused and alone. How was it possible to be so hurt over someone who wasn’t my boyfriend? My friends would say the same thing, “Well, look at it this way: it would’ve hurt more if you dated him.” Except it still hurt. A lot.
In one of the first sessions with my old therapist, I had to teach her what the word situationship meant. How could I easily explain that we were less than dating but more than friends with benefits, and at one point even said “I love you” to each other, but we weren’t in a relationship?
I couldn’t.
No one will ever really know the ins and outs of whatever we were as well as we did. That’s one thing that makes relationships so special— no matter how much of it you share with friends or family, there will still be so many parts that can only be understood by the two of you. I guess that’s how the term intimacy was born.
Not only are almost relationships nearly impossible to explain while you’re in them, but they’re also just as hard to explain after the fact, which brings me to why the end of an almost relationship might hurt more than the average breakup. The answer is simple. It’s because you never got to see how things would’ve played out.
So you’re left wondering, what if? You start to romanticize all of these things that never happened, and you build up this entire idea in your head. Suddenly, you’re more hurt about a relationship you’ve made up and longed for than the one you actually experienced.
If I have any advice for someone hurting over a person they weren’t dating, it would be to remember who they were and not who you made them out to be.
PS: My debut novel, Call It What You Want, is available to order here. I appreciate your time and support more than you know! ILYSM <3